What will you be remembered for?

What will you be remembered for?

QUOTE OF THE DAY(COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIPS)

"Communication is to a relationship what blood is to the body; the easiest way to murder an adorable relationship is to sever the communication line"

Conflict Of Purpose In Marriage

One day, a young boy was going to the farm, and his grandfather gave him a local made cutlass, but he prefers a beautiful knife that looks very sharp. He was not ready to know the differences as far as his likeness for the knife was concerned.

He got to the farm and soon got tired because the knife was not meant for what he was using it for. "The beautiful knife could only cut vegetables and not other grasses". The grandfather told him.


Most often, we are easily carried away by the facial looks of things. We carry the looks in our minds and refuse it's reality until we could no longer cope. Not every lady that is beautiful fits into your destiny. It might not be that guy that looks so handsome and has the desired physique and riches that fits into your destiny.
It could be that brother you have never put in your thoughts once. It could be that sister you feel is not very attractive. As far as the reality of life is concerned, singles are like children cutting down trees, unless guided by the elders, they don't know where the tree will fall to. Unless we are guided by God we might align ourselves with the person that was never meant for our destiny.


When you wear shoes that are not your size, you are not going to be comfortable. This is one of the reasons we have problems in marriages today.
A time will come that every man or woman is meant to manifest his or her purpose in life. And there are purposes that go together. When your partner starts manifesting purposes that do not align with yours, there is going to be conflict and disagreement. This is what is referred to as conflict of purpose.

Adam recognized the woman to be one made to align with his(man) destiny. Animal could not fit into that position. If an animal could fit in, there was no need to have formed a woman out of a man. So don't go for an animal, go for the one for you.

It is very interesting to know that God is still in the business of leading and directing the affairs of His own. If God does not build a house, the labourer only labours in vain, if He doesn't watch over a city, the watchman only wastes his time. He knows when the emotions you are building up for him or her will drop like rain. In other words, He knows where the trees we are cutting as children will fall. He sees tomorrow that we don't see. He knows the perfect one for our destiny. He can easily put the square pegs in the square hole, because He made all things. Everything God made is beautiful. God's kind of beauty is not one defined by appearance. It is the hidden man of the heart.
So when we pray for life partner, pray that he or she should be the one whose destiny align with yours. And the pray for divine leading.

I shared this prayers sometimes ago in November  2014 about the kind of woman i want,

Qualities of My Kind Of Woman
(A Prayer Heavenly Minded Men Should Pray)

Father;
I don't need a perfect woman in speech; but let her words edify.
I don't need a perfect woman in looks; but let her looks bear Jesus.
I don't need a perfect woman in affection; but let your love rule her heart.

I don't need a perfect woman in deeds; but let her not do what Jesus would not do...
I don't need a woman that goes her ways, but one whose ways are guided by a vision whose author is you yourself... 
Let her ways please you and let  her run with a focus to make heaven while influencing others with same purpose.

Let her be selfless as she impacts,
Let her give life where death boasts,
Let her light chase away the looming darkness wherever she goes,
Let her be an instrument of peace where there is prejudice,
And let her express love where hatred turns an odium.

Father, in all, let the search for You stops at her bus stop because Jesus will be seen clearly in her.
One more thing Lord, please, help me to know her

when she shall be revealed.

Quote of The Day

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are  noble, whatever things are  just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are  lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there  is any virtue and if there  is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."
__Apostle Paul (Philippians 4:8 NKJV)

Quote of the Day (ATTITUDES)

"We use our best picture as our display picture(DP). We feel so happy when people commend it. Is the picture of a thing really the thing? What if we project commendable positive attitudes in the same way to people around us? Positive attitude comes back with smiles. "
__Philip Ekomenmen

A positive person according to Tamara Baruhovich, will have the following characteristics:

      Upbeat and cheerful

      Looks at the glass as half full not half empty

      Can find the beauty in anything

      Thinks of the good before the bad

      Loves life

      Avoids negative words

      May seem silly at times

      Loves to have fun

      Never puts others down

      Genuinely cares about those around him/her

      Looks for ways to make others lives better

      Is a giver, not a taker

      Does not hurt others

      Can see the solution over the problem

I Conquered My Self II (I Conquered My Negative Attitudes)

I have discovered to a large extent my attitudes have defined me. People have drew impressions from my attitudes. My attitudes are the  channels through which I relate with the outside world. Ranging from my verbal responses, body languages and actions, I have related with attitudes.

I used to think I have the best attitudes until they stank like a stench. I wondered why people complained, I never knew they were feedback on my attitudes.

I took my time to discover myself. I discovered I can be better still. I discovered it was the thing inside of me that was acting itself out in attitudes. That's my character. My character has been shaped by my belief system ranging from expositions from environments and people around my life. The first thing I did was to embrace change. Yes! I told myself I can be better! My attitudes can be a blessing. 

Then I uttered my belief system and my character was reshaped and this further polishes my attitudes.

Now my response has changed from, 'THAT'S JUST ME AND THERE NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT',
Now I simply say, PLEASE FORGIVE MY EXCESSES, I NEVER MEANT TO BEHAVE THAT WAY. 

Responses like this calm the other person. Don't be interested in getting people upset because you are claiming champion of your negative attitudes.

I am not there yet, but everyday I learn I can just be better.

Hmmmm. Attitudes are the worse enemy of a man. No matter how beautiful you are, the surest way to paint yourself black is to put up  negative attitudes. Attitudes speak volumes because that's what the world see. And people conclude from what they see. Moving far in life, organisations etc depends on attitudes and the grace of God. Someone is always watching. Yes! And you might not know.

Let's learn some more about attitudes.

Businessdictionary.com defines attitudes as a predisposition or a tendency to respond positively or negatively towards a certain idea, object, person, or situation. Attitude influences an individual's choice of action, and responses to challenges, incentives, and rewards (together called stimuli).

Thomas Jefferson said, "Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude."

Zig Ziglar also asserted "Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude."

Wade Boggs also said "A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results".

Lou Holtz believes that "ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it."

According to Remez Sasson, Positive attitude manifests in the following ways:

·         Positive thinking.

·         Constructive thinking.

·         Creative thinking.

·         Optimism.

·         Motivation and energy to do things and accomplish goals.

·         An attitude of happiness

According to him, A positive frame of mind can help you in many ways, such as:

·         Expecting success and not failure.

·         Making you feel inspired.

·         It gives you the strength not to give up, if you encounter obstacles on your way.

·         It makes you look at failure and problems as blessings in disguise.

·         Believing in yourself and in your abilities.>

·         Enables you to show self-esteem and confidence.

·         You look for solutions, instead of dwelling on problems.

·         You see and recognize opportunities.

Remez also stresses that a positive attitude leads to happiness and success and can change your whole life. If you look at the bright side of life, your whole life becomes filled with light. This light affects not only you and the way you look at the world, but it also affects your environment and the people around you. If this attitude is strong enough, it becomes contagious. It's as if you radiate light around you.

WHAT ARE YOUR ALTITUDES LIKE?

I CONQUERED MY SELF

Impossible Dice triangle Formed By The power of the Mind

Some say financial battle is their biggest battles in life. Some say marital battles are just the biggest in life. Others say battles with health, sex, academics and all the rest are biggest. Actually, the biggest battle in life is the battle within self.

Many are enemies of themselves and yet they don't know it. If you can conquer yourself, you can conquer the world. The mind is the centre of it all The mind is the battle ground. The mind is so complex that only you can control it. If your mind cannot limit you, nothing else can. When people say it is impossible, that's the extent of what their mind can go or imagine. You can choose to take charge of your mind or allow the forces within to push you to and fro. It's so exciting to know that you can win no matter the intensity of the battle within. It just requires a MIND-MADE-UP. When you make up your mind, Heaven will back you up.

Take a look at this dice arrangement, it looks impossible, right? But a mind formed a triangle with dice. Nothing is impossible!

WHEN YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND, HEAVEN WILL BACK YOU UP! NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE UNLESS YOUR MIND HAS DECLARED IT IMPOSSIBLE.

How is this possible? Let's look at what Remez Sasson has to say about taking control of your mind.

Becoming the Boss of the Mind (By Remez Sasson)

Most people keep thinking the same kind of thoughts, and visualize the same mental images in an unconscious automatic manner. This means they keep viewing the same movie in their minds, and consequently, go on creating and living the same kind of life.

You can change the thoughts and images in your mind, which is equivalent to inserting a new cassette into the VCR of the mind. As thoughts create events and circumstances, by changing the habitual thoughts, life's events and circumstances change too.

Most people don't know or don't believe that it is possible to change their way of thinking. The reality of this possibility has never occurred to them.

There are people who have the knowledge and make the effort. If they persist in their efforts to become more conscious of their thinking process, and attempt to control and filter the contents of their minds, they realize in a practical and direct way that their thoughts are creative and possess power.

Silencing the mind is a higher stage that very few know about, and fewer take practical steps to achieve. If and when one reaches this goal he realizes that he is not his mind or his thoughts, but something beyond. He realizes and experiences in a very clear and direct manner the reality of his True Essence, and the illusion of what is called "reality".

The ability of silencing the mind is the key to finding the button that turns the mind on and off, as we wish. When we are able to turn it off at will, we experience serenity of mind, strength, confidence and happiness. When the mind and its thoughts are quiet, we are able to use the mind in a most effective way.

Silencing the thoughts and the incessant, tiring, consuming chatter of the mind makes enjoy peace and happiness. At this stage, we become the boss of the mind.

Conquering the mind

A strong power of concentration makes it easier to free the mind from thoughts. When there are no thoughts to distract, one becomes fully aware and conscious of the true eternal inner being. This is the goal of spiritual seekers, yogis and saints. This is the secret goal beyond every tradition and religion. This secret is yours to live and enjoy, if you strive towards it.

The mind is responsible for everything that happens. It is the creator of everything in the world. The world is dependent on the mind for its existence. When in deep sleep with no dreams, are you conscious of the world? Is someone in a swoon, conscious of the world? No, consciousness of the world happens only when the mind is active. In deep meditation, when the mind is quiet the world seems to disappear.

When you master your mind, you master your world. When you are able to silence the mind, you free yourself of negative habits and attitudes. Then the mind cannot influence the way you feel, your moods, and your behavior.

When you can silence the mind, at least for a while, you realize that you are not the mind. It is a sort of energy that occupies your attention incessantly. For someone who encounters this approach for the first time, it may sound weird and silly. Someone who has practiced meditation for some time, or is conversant with the Eastern philosophies will understand and accept these words. From this inner silence, you can look at the mind, understand what it is, and come to know its nature and how and why it works.

While working towards this inner state, the mind usually suggests all kinds of reasons and excuses why it is better not to bring it under control. It wants to be free and roam wherever it likes. It believes that if it is silenced, life will cease to be. It cannot accept that life can go on without its incessant chatter and inner dialogues. It is false logic, as the mind cannot know what is beyond it. The moment it is silenced it does not participate in what happens after this silence. Then how can it experience a state in which it is absent? It cannot think about a state it has never experienced.

There is no vacuum in nature. When the mind is made quiet, something "new" steps in. It is the Universal Consciousness, Spirit, the creative power, your "inner I". You can call it whatever you want. It is a power that has always existed, and it is in us, it is us. It is our true Consciousness, which we have forgotten.

The Power of Thoughts

·         If you keep thinking about difficulties, fears and failure your life will mirror these thoughts.

·         If you keep thinking about your current circumstances you will keep recreating them.

Most people get caught in this way of thinking, and consequently, attract into their lives the same kind of events and circumstances over and over again.

1.     You can change your thoughts, and can choose the thoughts you want. Doing so. will change your life.

2.     You can, right now, start painting new, beautiful, and positive images in your mind.

3.     You can refuse to look at the old pictures and scenes that fill your mind.

4.     You can look at the mental pictures of your choice, even if your actual circumstances are very different from these mental images.

5.     you can choose, which film to play in the projection room of your mind.

6.     You can choose, which pictures and painting to hang in the inner room of your mind.

Does a feeling of power surge through you now, as you read these lines? You can master your life!

Thoughts are the inner strings that pull circumstances and situations. You can be the one pulling these strings and make your life happier and more satisfying. When you are the boss of your mind you have the power to improve your inner and emotional life, your material and financial status and your spiritual awareness.

Some make a mediocre change; some go further, and make greater changes. How far you go is dependent on your ability to choose your thoughts and change the contents of your mind.

Some people, aspire higher, not just to change their thoughts, but to find the source of their thoughts, and discover the button that turns it on and off. If they are successful, they unfold the secret that many have sought down the ages.

Becoming the boss of your mind enables you to think about what you want, when you want to, and stop being influenced by outside forces.

In its higher degree, this ability takes you beyond the mind, and you will recognize your mind as it is, a tool for your use. You will be able to experience a higher state of consciousness, about which all the spiritual traditions of the world have always taught about, and toward which they pointed.

What Do You Consider The Best Gift For Your Children?

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING A FATHER CAN DO FOR HIS CHILDREN IS TO LOVE HIS WIFE. -Theodore Hesburgh

Is there a climate of trust, respect, love and joy in your home?

Children are vulnerable to whatever atmosphere that exists in the home. We can give our children one of life's most valuable gifts without spending a dime. All we have to do is pay attention to how we treat our spouse.

If couple genuinely love themselves, part of the reason is traceable to how their parents did when they were children. What if the reverse was the case? For instance, a man that is always beating up his wife in the presence of the children, you can imagine that kind of seeds sown in those children.

Whatever we do at home is a seed we are sowing in the life of our kids. What seeds are you sowing into your children's lives? They are watching, and they want to do like you. everything happening around that they see us do might be normal in their eyes. If we treat our wives as queen, there is a big tendency they will want to follow suite.

Its erroneous to believe they are kids and therefore they don't know anything. Go to bed with your spouse in their presence and the next morning you will see them practicing it. Children practice/experiment what they observe. You can never rule out parental influence in the life of our kids. This is a lesson to be learnt by even the singles. You must give your spouse utmost treatment to save the marital future of your children. Someone said, "the worst danger that confronts the younger generation is the example set by the older generation".If mum and dad can't grow up to live their lives in a positive, constructive way, there is not much hope for their children. Parents should be their children 'role models' or 'heroes'. king Duncan asserts, "the influence we have on our children is awesome. They are our responsibility. before we change the world, we must make every effort to help them become happy and productive human beings. Children need someone to inspire them..."

Quote Of The Day-Values

“Your beliefs become your thoughts, 
Your thoughts become your words, 
Your words become your actions, 
Your actions become your habits, 
Your habits become your values, 
Your values become your destiny.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

Can Marriages still survive in this century?? - PART II

Events are always celebrated with utmost interest...My husband now 68, still knows how to turn on the heat. He comes up with superb surprises at every event. He has this great memory of important dates of our lives. My 60th birthday was one I can't forget in a hurry. This time, the surprise made me melt like when he just met me. Not to talk of the blushing in front of my children
It was all awesome. He made sure all the children were around without my notice to blow my mind. As early as 5am, music was already playing in the sitting room, every one in agog waiting for me to wake up.

Every where was decorated with colours, and candles burning and smiling. At their sights, and in a moment, l was swept off by love. I didn't know when I landed in his hands and clung to him. I knew it was his handiwork, he knows how to just do the to blow my mind. The celebration ranged on all day in ecstasy.

Whatever he does for me I always want to reciprocate. Not because  I want to compete but because i believe one good turn deserves another. If we don't take care of ourselves,who will? Smiles!

We have taken turns to surprise each other on our wedding anniversaries. It is always a time we look forward to. A time we renew our marriage vows. I want to marry him again and again and he simply wants to do same. Most of those times, we are always alone. The emotions that comes with the moment are always awesome. We just couldn't hold back the tears that comes with the moment,

In one anniversary, I told him as we held our hands in passion,"I wonder what my life would have been without you, thanks for coming into my life". For a moment, he was mute. Then, he looked away. I tried call his attention When he looked at me again, there was tears in his eyes, gushing out. I held him close to myself as we wet ourselves with tears. Then he started, "when I was looking for a wife to marry, I never stopped to tell God to give me a woman I would love for the rest of my life. When you came into my life, indeed God's promises came to pass. By the virtue of you coming into my life, I have indeed obtained favour. Thanks for coming into my life." He said and swept me close to himself. In a while, I was in his hands like a baby. I love it when he carries me. He is never too old to love me and I'm never to big to reciprocate same. With tears in my eyes, I kicked start our love song we composed for ourselves.

All this while, our children have been basking in our love. Our love was rubbing on them heavily. There is nothing they don't tell us and that has helped us to guide them. We see ourselves all as stakeholders in the home. We hold one another in high esteem. In our round table discussions, we rub minds, share values and inculcate discipline. In one father's day, our first son wrote to us. He titled it, YOU ARE MY HERO. In his first line, he said,"Today Is father's day and I'm supposed to write this to only dad, but I decided to address it to both of you because I have  known you both to be one and I know you both will read this together. So when I said you are my hero,I am referring to both of you..." truly we read it together with tears of  fulfillment.

Today, if you asked me "what is my biggest testimony in life?",I will tell you "God gave me a family that has made my my home like heaven on earth."

Hmmmm. Marriage is not a thing to dread but a lifetime moment of love  to anticipate and enjoy. Sure, God brought that family together but in a CONCERTED EFFORTS they made it work. I have discovered today one of the major challenges in marriage is too much expectations that are never met. We expect too much to the extent we forget to play our own roles. A husband that complains over bad food and never commends good ones expects too much. A wife that punishes the husband with sex because he couldn't meet her needs expects too much. Selflessness defines love and we have to expect less and give more. Think of what you can give to make your spouse happy and you will end up having more. God bless our marriages!

Click here for part one https://philipekomenmen.blogspot.com.ng/2016/08/can-marriage-still-survive-in-this.html

Click here for part one https://philipekomenmen.blogspot.com.ng/2016/08/can-marriage-still-survive-in-this.html

Can Marriage Still Survive In this Century???

He bade me a nice day as he pasted a kiss on my forehead. I am sure to have the kiss on my lips when he returns, even when i fall asleep his touch on my lips will wake me.

Its been 40 years of our marriage. He has still been making me feel like when i just got married to him. Nothing changed about him except for the gray hairs that are now shooting out. He carries me around in his hands not minding  that i am not strong as i used to be when we got married. He would always tell me, "my jewel, if you say i should stop carrying you, who else will i carry". I would blush and release myself into his hand and like a baby basking in his love. Carrying me becomes an exercise i now long for and would remind him when he seems to forget.

He never stopped to tell me he loves me. No matter how busy he seems to be in the office, he would call... Sometimes just to say, 'I love you'. I love his romantic and poetic messages that he sends to me everyday. He enjoys the way i lavish him with love too. He enjoys my voice as I do sing for him. We have a song we both learnt together and he enjoys it so much.

He enjoys my meal and would always tell me he found it difficult to eat outside. Taking a cooler along to office has been a thing he enjoys doing. And i have made up my mind to give him the best because if i don't, WHO WILL???

Even when we seem to have some issues, that is when he joins me most in kitchen. Seeing him with me those times would melt me as i would wonder the kind of person he is. That is when he wants to do more. He has never refused to eat my food because of issues at home.

Moreover, issues do not see next day. Immediately, he would arrange what he calls "family court". He would always want me to air all my grievances first. I may even burst into laughter before i finish mine because he would pay total attention all along to what i have to say before he says his own. We would bring out our wrongs and address it. Fine and apology would follow. We call it "a fine of love". The first fine i got was to cook a delicious meal for the family with my money alone for a week. I gladly did it because i love cooking for them; because they enjoy my meal. His own first fine was to cook alone for every body. My kitchen was messed up that day but it was fun watching him cook for us. We all laughed and had fun that day because it was like a drama. He told us he would cook better. We applauded him after he cooked because he really tried. He must have watched me to learn those styles. Lolz. If the issue is just between both of us, none of our children will know of it nor the settlement. The court will be for the two of us only. Our children didn't know that he was serving punishment the day he actually cooked. Though some other times, he wants to do the same. My children hear only what  is meant for their ears. We are both judges when our children do wrongs. They know us that we will get to the root of it.

Family altar was never neglected. We knew the family was put together by God and as such its altar must burn with fire if it must stand tall. We both recognize the place of God in the family. We hold hands to pray in the bedroom each day before the general devotion.

Hmmmmmm! Let me stop here for now...
Who says marriage of this century will not work ??? . Marriage is what God has ordained by Himself, if it is not working, it is the parties involved that got it wrong. Marriage succeeds by a concerted efforts. Marriages still work. God is still making it work.

Please go to next blog to continue part II



Please see the concluding part of this article in the next blog

Quote Of The Day

"The fallacy that all men are same because of past experience is suicidal. Holding that belief, you are liable to treat the right person as the wrong person and the upshot is offending the wrong person. This is error of commission!"
__Philip Ekomenmen

know When To Jump _By Andrew Reyes

Put a frog into a vessel fill with water and start heating the water.
As the temperature of the water begins to rise, the frog adjust its body temperature accordingly.
The frog keeps adjusting its body temperature with the increasing temperature of the water. Just when the water is about to reach boiling point, the frog cannot adjust anymore. At this point the frog decides to jump out.
The frog tries to jump but it is unable to do so because it has lost all its strength in adjusting with the rising water temperature.
Very soon the frog dies.

What killed the frog?
Think about it!
I know many of us will say the boiling water. But the truth about what killed the frog was its own inability to decide when to jump out.
We all need to adjust with people & situations, but we need to be sure when we need to adjust & when we need to move on. There are times when we need to face the situation and take appropriate actions.
If we allow people to exploit us
physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually or mentally they will continue to do so.
Let us decide when to jump!
Let's jump while we still have the strength.

Poem of the day (Love In Dead-End)

I see it crumbled, leaving these aches in my heart,
Love walked away like the spirit leaving the body,
I reached forth my hands in grasp but already a shadow.

My mouth in sour,appetite forgotten, unsought images in my mind with a repulsive melody playing in my head.
Passersby fetching my tears like an abundant harvest in the field.
Entangled by fears of loneliness, a trap I dread.

Moments we treasured now moments I detest as they crawled by in motionless images in this numb mind,
I tried to be strong, but the more I failed in strength,
As my mind wobbled in deep thoughts still, I am empty as love walked away with my soul,

My thoughts clouded, I can't think straight, I am afraid to walk lest my shivering feet slip,
I dread to live, not even the appearance of nightfall, a sleep in nightmares.
This is surely a dream, then let me wake up in haven to dazzled by smiles, why did you walk away, my love and my soul?

__Philip Ekomenmen


This poem is dedicated to everyone who have shared in the pains of love when it decided to walk away, that is,  those who have had broken hearts in relationships. Words may not be able to paint how you felt when it feels the world has ended yet no trumpet sound from the Angel, but to let you know you can put your past behind.

This too shall pass, it doesn't last longer, it doesn't mean love has ended, it does not mean your heart can not love again, it does not mean there are no good people out there; it only allowed you to relate with reality!
Dust yourself and move on again!

God's love is eternal and constant as against the fallible love of man, when you feel no one cares and no one loves you anymore, just remember to cast your burden on Him because he cares for you! Jesus cares!